Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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