on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
