Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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