idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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