Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
