called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
