Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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