1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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