My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
