I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
