I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
