I need help removing her.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
