shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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