I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
