My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize