Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
