Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
