do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
