Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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