at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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