so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
