So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
