bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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