Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
