Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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