Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize