I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's like iHOP with fire
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
