pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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