Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
