I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like eating out sand paper
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
