I hate your face
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
accomplished twins. life is a go
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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