There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
