I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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