I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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