I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
