I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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