It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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