The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
