shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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