Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gift wrapped bread.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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