Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I believe in your delicious
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