While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize