So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
