You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
