Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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