He is an equal opportunity slut.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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