He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
