Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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