Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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