I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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