There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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