I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
