i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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