This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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