I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i drank out of a bidet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
