you traded sex for a burrito?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize