i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
