Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
